On Today's Episode of "The Love Boat"...

"Ginger! Fornication!"

The Captain cast a plaintive glance in my direction, hoping I'd save him from the other servers' suggestions for a Word of the Day. I sighed, knowing I should leave him in their fiendish hands as punishment for his past use of my Words, but instead I made two decisions: that I'd help him, first, and second, that I wouldn't choose an adjective.

"The word of the day," I announced, after a considerable dramatic pause, "is 'meow.'"

Now, you'd think from his reaction that I'd picked an awfully difficult word to fit into the day's narrated sight-seeing tour. Not true. Example: "All right, if you'll look to your left, right meow we're passing the Don Cesar hotel..." "Meow that we're through the bridge..." The possibilities are endless.

Unfortunately, the possibilities hadn't prepared for the Captain's electing to be a poor sport.

Fifteen minutes into the tour, my nerves were frayed and my every sense electrified as I waited to hear the Captain 'meow' -- but he was refusing. Or at least he hadn't complied, yet, so at last I dialed the wheelhouse and, when he picked up, Meow-ed rather loudly into his ear.

"Just in case you forgot."

He hung up on me.

But then, abruptly, he let out a high-pitched "Rerrr!" into the microphone, and continued the tour.

And then the cruise director had to wander by and wonder why his bartender was crying hysterically.