Hi Pastor Jim, Scene I

In the desperation inspired by my e-mail crashing and a deadline looming and a shift at the restaurant I need to get to and it still being a little early to call Valpo, I'm getting a message to Pastor Jim in the only forum yet available to me. To the rest of you, hi.


First Scene of Three.
Darkness. Voices only.
Homilist: We make our beginning this day in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. AMEN. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. But if we confess our sin, God who is … (Fades off.)
Zoe: (Quietly.) Ahem. (Insistently.) AHEM. You.
Ezekiel: Hm? What, oh. Sorry. Go ahead.
Z: No, no, no, look: It’s ME.
E: Oh, it’s -- YOU. Sorry. Wow. It‘s been - ages, right?
Z: Oh, a few YEARS at least, college and all that.
Beat.
E: Did you want to sit down?
Z: No, I need you to get up. Here, follow me…
E: Now?
Z: Now.
E: Because we’re kind of in the middle of --
H: As a called and ordained servant of the Word --
E: -- something.
Z: And if YOU could have got here on time, I could be done telling you what I need to already. Do not make me ask you again.
E: Is this important? REALLY important?
Z: Yes.
E: But, more important than -- OW! Okay, I’m coming.
Lights. After a moment, enter EZEKIEL and ZOE.
E: WHAT?
Z: (Takes a deep breath and prepares to deliver, then reconsiders.) Are you -- hang on, try to stop being mad at me before I tell you this.
E: You pinched me! What are you, twelve?
Z: Are you over it yet?
E: Yes.
Z: Truly? All right. We’re short an acolyte. Two, actually, and I don’t know why, I just know they’re not here.
E: Oh my God, you pulled me out of…
Z: Hello? You’re not calm. You’re not listening.
E: CONFESSION AND ABSOLUTION…
Z: Can we focus? You’re lucky you got as much of a Confession and Absolution as you did -- Pastor had to light the altar candles himself this morning. Do you have any idea how badly that throws him off?
E: (Seriously) None.
Z: By the time I caught up with him in the Sacristy he had his stole on but he wasn’t wearing his alb, that was draped over his arm, he had his sermon notes in his teeth and the processional cross in one fist trying to shake it out of its stand. (Beat.) Anyway. All that’s to say, you’re helping with Communion.
E: No, I’m not…
Z: You are.
E: Not.
Z: Are.
E: NOT. Can’t you grab an usher or something?
Z: The ushers are going to be ushering during communion - I mean, unless you WANT to watch the service fall apart COMPLETELY, I guess I don’t see why not…
E: An elder, then.
Z: No, look, I HAVE elders, I have ushers, I have a pastor - what’s left of one - I NEED acolytes. One (she means herself) and (she extends the gesture to EZEKIEL) two.
E: (Beat.) No. Look, I can’t -
Z: You CAN. You HAVE, beautifully, in the past, and you will again. Today.
E: No. You’re not listening to me at all, today is the last day I could possibly be up to this.
Z: Right. Today it is, then. (For ZOE, the scene is now resolved, and she’s ready to exit.)
E: HOW.
Z: Because now that Pastor’s got his head on straight, thanks to you and yours truly, this is the part where you get to hear the story of Ezekiel interpreted for you.
E: How is hearing about Ezekiel going to make me feel better?
Z: It’s not; but at least you get to listen to a story about someone who WANTED to serve in the Temple but COULDN’T. Makes you appreciate what you have?
E: No, makes me think, lucky him.
Z: He COULDN’T, serve, even though he was a priest, because there was no where and no one to serve: his land had been invaded, his people slaughtered and the survivors hauled off into captivity.
E: Oh. That would be bad luck, then.
Z: But it’s a story of hope! (She moves back toward the exit into the sanctuary.) And you’re going to miss it. Come on.
E: I wouldn’t be missing it if you hadn’t dragged me out --
Z: (off) You’re the only one you’re waiting on now!
EZEKIEL exits. ZOE [GOD] enters immediately by way of another door, and waits. Presently, the HOMILIST takes up the service again.
H: Our Old Testament reading is taken from the book of the prophet Ezekiel. (Beat.) The hand of the LORD was upon me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the LORD and set me in the middle of a valley; (EZEKIEL enters amid the congregation) it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me,
Z: Son of man, can these bones live?
H: I said,
E: (Bewildered.) No.
Z: No?
E: (More confident.) No.
Pause.
Z: Are you… certain?
E: Fairly certain. I mean, I’m not a medical professional, and my opinions aren’t USUALLY solicited about this sort of thing – but when I see a pile of rib cages and no sign of a beating heart, and a pile of femurs so stripped of flesh that there were probably birds of prey involved, and that WEEKS ago because now said femurs are awfully dry looking – I guess not too many active verbs come to mind. (incredulous) I mean, did you really use ‘live’ as the predicate in a sentence where ‘dry bones’ were the subject? Who am I talking to again?
Z: (After letting the question hang.) Who did you think?
E: Actually, you’ve got the voice of an old friend I haven’t seen in years – some girl I was best friends with since something like the sixth grade. (guesses) Zoe?
Z: …No.
E: No?
Z: No, and I’ve NEVER gotten that one before. This is God. By the way.
E: …Yeah?
Z: Yeah. Did you… want to change your answer?
E: YEAH.
Z: Yeah?
E: Yeah. Change it to… ‘yeah.’
Z: Son of man –
E: Yeah?
Z: Can these bones live?
E: (Emphatically.) YEAH.
Z: Better. How do you arrive at your conclusion?
E: (Rushes the Third Article.) Because I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the RESURRECTION OF THE BODY, and the life everlasting, amen, and if I can believe I’m talking to God right now – if I’m that deluded or gullible or both – then it’s not a far leap to look around at an expanse of unburied bones and all the ways a hundred people could come to their end – car crashes, plane crashes, earth quakes, and hospital stays until enough of you dies that the rest gives up, too, or how about just being in the wrong place at the wrong time when some poor idiot who’s not even together enough to write a suicide note decides to let the world know that ‘Oh, by the way, I was unhappy,’ by taking out three and a half bystanders before he shoots himself – or you know, even the ones that are happily together with their one and only until they die within a month of each other at the respective ages of eighty-eight and eighty-six, even THEY are going to die, and to circle back to your point, I don’t know WHAT you are hoping to find in their dry, picked over bones, but it’s not LIFE. It’s not LIVING. It’s not THIS life anymore, at least. (Beat.) Oh but wait, I was (sarcastically) talking to God, wasn’t I. He can FIX even that. Right? (“Fix” is almost a curse word, and “Right?” is an accusation.)
Z: (With very little seeming interest.) How long has it been since last we talked? Has it been very long?
E: (Approaching a state of fury.) NO! It hasn’t! It hasn’t been long at all! We can even toss out whatever faltering attempt on my part might have got through a page earlier in the liturgy. YOU MADE ME LATE TO CHURCH THIS MORNING.
Z: I did?
E: You DID.
Z: Does that sound like the sort of thing I would do?
E: Why, are you going to tell me now you DON’T have divine sovereignty over every accidental happening in every moment throughout history?
Z: How’s the weather out on that limb?
E: You know what, I don’t even have to go there. Let’s talk about something else. Let’s just stick to this morning and my drive here. Let’s talk about the least of these.
Z: The least of these?
E: The least of these.
Z: I love talking about the least of these!
E: Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, give a cup of cold water in my name -- Whatever you do for the least of these, you’ve done it to me. Follow me so far?
Z: You would be hard-pressed to “lose” the being that endowed you with the capacity for rational thought in the first place, but make an effort to arrive at a coherent point anyway.
E: THIS MORNING. My car, my drive here. My ATTEMPT to drive here. Except I saw that woman on the side of the road. That same corner where there’s ALWAYS somebody, and whether they’ve got a sign drawn up that day or not, you know they’re there because they’re waiting for a hand out. Do you want to tell me why I stopped? Because I don’t know. I usually drive right past and wish I’d stopped. So maybe I felt guilty. Maybe I thought I’d take her to church, tell her about the only thing she really needed. Maybe I thought I’d help somebody who needed it just because that’s what you said I should do.
Z: So, you met Brenda.
E: (Beat.) Is that her name? She told me everything else about her. She’s got her story so ready you think it’s a con, but then she’s got the dirt and the bruises and the blackened fingernails right there to go with it -- so you don’t know.
Z: What did she ask you for?
E: Guess. Money. Money for food, money to pay off the friend that’s letting her crash on the floor for a few days. And a ride back to the friend’s house -- what was I supposed to do?
Z: What DID you do?
E: What did I do? Why are you even asking - you were there! Weren’t you? Wasn’t I talking to you the whole time, looking at your bruises and your broken-off fingernail? Or were you just kidding about that part, about being the least of these? All I was trying to do is the right thing, while you sat in the car and lied to me about I-don’t-know-how-much of your story. And you know what I feel now? I don’t feel good inside, like I did the right thing. I feel absolutely disgusting inside, and like everything is disgusting outside, too, and I would love to know if you. Even. Care.
Z: (After letting the question hang.) Son of Man, can these bones live?
E: (As though he has suddenly developed a very bad headache.) Oh… Lord… GOD. (Hands outstretched signify infinite resignation.) You know.
Exit EZEKIEL.
ZOE pulls a twenty dollar bill out of her pocket.
Z: I don’t think you need to be sore just because I’ve won every argument we’ve had today.
Exit ZOE.