(1) "Ohhh, you guys are sooo picky!" (My only recourse for dealing with our persistent and inexplicable silverware shortage at the Green Iguana, and tables catching on and asking me if they can have some, so that I have to go foraging in the dishroom.)
(2) "Weapons!" (One way of announcing at a table's elbows that I've successfully produced silverware, which tends to help said table not hate me.)
(3) "I -- yeah. No. You can have a Mudslide. But I'm revoking your man-card." (Then spin on my heel, saunter away, and order the guy's Mudslide, or Pina Colada, or Mango-Banana-Strawberry Daiquiri, and let his friends make fun of him for me. Once I had such a guy-friend holler after me, "Hey! Make sure it comes with a cherry on it!")
(4) "If you don't know how to tip, don't go out to eat." (If you hear me hiss that, cashing out a tab, just stay out of my way. Half the time it's due to a table that actually liked me.)
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